The Cocoon Gentlemen's Society
by Cam-Two-Sevens
Summary: "We, of the Cocoon Gentlemen's Society cater to their whims and fantasies-not the sexual kind Noct, don't give me that look." HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**Characters belong to Square Enix **

The overall theme for this is Yuya Matsushita's song Trust Me. Listen to it at the end of every chapter or the moogle gets it. What moogle, you say? Why, the one whose temple I'm pressing a gun to. :P

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**-In which a certain Gentlemen's Club brings two unlikely individuals together-**

* * *

_As a scholarship student sponsored by Cocoon University, I swear that I will not participate in any activities, illegal or otherwise that will jeopardize this institution's and my own reputation. I will act in accordance with the rules and guidelines stated in the Cocoon University handbook and will conduct myself in a manner that will not detract from the standards it has set. If my student co-ordinator finds that I am wilfully participating in these activities with my full knowledge that they are activities condemned by the university, he/she has the right to recommend termination of my scholarship and if my scholarship is up for termination, I will accept this decision and make the necessary arrangements for my departure. _

~extract of Cocoon University scholarship, terms and conditions

* * *

Noct stared at the paper in his hand.

It was a bad idea.

_I could get terminated. _

"Noct, come on, you said you needed a job for the summer break, didn't you?" Prompto's voice cut through Noct's reverie sharply.

"Yeah but…" Noct glanced at the pamphlet and then back to his blonde counterpart. "_Escorts_?" he said dubiously. He was sure this sort of activity was just what the terms of his scholarship contract ordered him to stay _away_ from.

"_Hosts_," Prompto corrected, for the umpteenth time that day. "We're not sleeping with them Noct, we simply 'entertain' them. You've watched Ouran High School Host Club, haven't you? It's the same deal."

"Ouran Host High _what_?"

Prompto twirled in a circle in front of him dramatically, clasping his hands to his heart, no longer paying any more interest in Noct. "Beautiful, lonely women who wish to escape from reality and be treated like the queens they rightly deserve to be treated as. We, of the Cocoon Gentlemen's Society cater to their whims and fantasies-not the sexual kind, Noct, don't give me that look," Prompto added after Noct raised a judgemental eyebrow "and by the end of the day we have satisfied customers and heavier pockets. All that's required is a little investment on our part. Tell me Noct, have you ever come across something so, so…"

"Pathetic?" Noct scoffed, shoving the paper into the other male's chest before turning heel and walking in the opposite direction. "You can count me out. I've never been good with talking to girls anyway."

Prompto quickly caught up to Noct and flitted in front of him, hand outstretched and barring him from escape. "_Women, _Noct," he emphasized with a grin "say it with me: _women. _Your lack of confidence with the opposite sex is only going to get worse the longer you refuse to interact with them. I mean look around," he laughed, gesturing about the hall where other students eyed them apprehensively "people are starting to think you're gay."

Noct wheeled. "_What_?"

Prompto smirked. "If you don't get a girlfriend soon, people are gonna start whispering."

"Let them whisper then, I don't care."

"I bet _Stella_ would," Prompto replied slyly. "I won't lie: you will pick up a skill or two. Who knows? Maybe you can finally work up the courage to talk to her and finally ask her out. From what I hear she's still single."

Noct was quiet for a moment, weighing the pros and cons in his head. Truth be told, there was good money from the job. And Stella, his childhood crush, _was_ one of the key reasons why he was at this university studying his ass off in the first place. Prompto had a point; she wasn't going to stay single forever. He needed to get a move on.

_I mean, look at Prompto. There's not a single day that he goes to class without managing to snag a few phone numbers. _

Maybe this place could teach him a few things.

_But if I got caught…I'd have to kiss my scholarship and clean reputation good-bye. _

"I'll do it," he said finally.

"Yuss!" Prompto cheered, pumping a fist in the air before putting an arm over Noct's shoulder and mussing his hair with his knuckles. "You're going to be a hit. Women _love_ dark and brooding types. Our last brooding dude graduated last semester but you should have seen all the women requesting him. It was out of this world! It'll be perfect. You'll-"

"Who says I'm dark and brooding?" Noct growled, fighting to free himself of Prompto's grip, which was surprisingly quite difficult to do despite the blonde's lanky frame. Prompto always claimed to work out, but Noct had just believed it to be just him talking big like he always did whenever they were within earshot of their female university counterparts. _Maybe I should gym more often__,_ he thought.

Prompto, obviously feeling particularly merciful today released Noct with a laugh. "It's all about _appearances_. Let's face it: you barely say two words in class, let alone acknowledge other people in it, and you pretty much scare everybody away with that poker face of yours. They're _humans_, not lepers Noct," he said before pausing thoughtfully "although lepers are people too so maybe that was a bad example."

"I get it," Noct muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets, and beginning to walk in the opposite direction. He had just remembered there was a certain place he needed to be right now. _I can't be late. _

"Hey, where you going?" Prompto protested "What about your interview?"

"What time's the thing?"

"It's around seven."

Noct checked his watch. _Five past six_, the hands on the watch face pointed. There was plenty of time till then. "I'll meet you there. Right now I have to go and see Rosch."

"Ooh," Prompto winced, making a face. "Academic monitoring again?"

"Yeah."

"Good luck."

"Thanks."

* * *

To say that Dr. Yaag Rosch was an intimidating man was an understatement. A former director of the military PSICOM, Dr. Rosch was man who followed the rules as closely as a hunter tracking its prey. With a piercing gaze and face set in a perpetual scowl, the disciplined former PSICOM had brought his experiences from his past military line of work into the academic field, using it to meticulously keep scholarship students in line and their overall academic performance and grades to the high standards that maintenance of the scholarship required. Rosch was only _truly_ satisfied with A grades, and anything less warranted instant probation and the probable chance of being put on the list of recommendations for termination. Failure and mediocrity simply was not in the seasoned Director's vocabulary.

"So Noctis," Rosch said, azure eyes skimming the contents of his clipboard from behind his desk. "It appears you're still on top of things. A couple of your lecturers have even recommended that you start considering honours courses."

"Honours, huh…" Noct repeated, quietly preoccupied with staring at the Newton's cradle atop of the co-ordinator's desk and listening to the light metallic sound the ball made as it swung and connected with the others.

_-clink-_

_-clink-clink-_

Despite the scientific explanation behind it, Noct always found the little object interesting to watch and fun to puzzle over. It was a good place to concentrate one's thoughts if they couldn't bear the intensity of Rosch's analytical gaze. The office was quiet for a pause, filled with nothing but the sound of light clinking before Rosch finally spoke again.

"You have continued to produce results of a consistently high standard Noctis," Rosch said, sounding pleased "so you really shouldn't be all that surprised. I think you should consider it. Given your results from the past semesters, honours will ensure a good future for you. You...don't look at all enthused," Rosch said, noting Noct's expression. "Something wrong?"

Noct could not help but let out a quiet sigh. "As amazing as that sounds, sir, I don't think I'd be able to afford becoming an honours student," he replied regretfully.

Rosch produced an envelope from his clipboard and held it out to Noct.

It was a letter addressed to him from the Cocoon University's honour society-it was _their _insignia on the wax seal. Noct didn't even need to open the envelope to know what was inside.

_No way…_

"You'll be pleased to know that the board has become so impressed by your performance that they are even willing to upgrade your sponsorship and pay for your honours tuition in full, that is, _if _you think you can continue to produce these good results," Rosch said. "Well Noctis?"

Noct clenched his hands into fists, struggling to contain his excitement. Graduating with Honours from Cocoon University was sure to open a lot of job offers once a student entered the real world. Noct had always thought that was a dream far out of his own reach until now.

He could barely get the words out. "Are you serious sir?"

"I'm taking that as a yes?"

"It's a _hell_ yes-err, sir," Noct added quickly after earning an apprehensive glance from the co-ordinator.

"Good man." Rosch smiled finally. "You will start in the new semester after the break ends. If you want, I can facilitate a meeting with a fellow scholarship student already in the program to give you the breakdown of the requirements."

"There's another scholarship student already in it?"

"Actually he's a transfer from Bodhum West. He just arrived this afternoon and is settling in. He was supposed to start last year but postponed his studies due to family commitments. Actually, now that I can recall," Rosch said, flipping through the other pages on his clipboard "he'll be your new roommate. That's why I wanted to see you in the first place: you're already familiar with the campus, so it'll be good for you to show him around. You don't mind do you?"

Noct was grinning like an idiot. "I just got a fully-funded honours scholarship sir. It'd be my pleasure."

* * *

Sliding his keys into the lock and opening the apartment door, true to Noct's expectations there were bags littered in the living room, one of which had the insignia of Bodhum West emblazoned on it. He heard shuffling in the kitchen and went to investigate.

"How in the world do you manage to survive, eating nothing but all of this junk?" the voice behind the fridge door muttered critically.

Noct frowned. _Hello to you too. _Was it just him or did his new roommate's voice sound a bit feminine?

_Dear gods I hope he isn't gay. _

The other boy's head poked up, revealing spiked blonde hair and steely blue eyes set in a surprisingly delicate featured face.

_Pretty good-looking guy-wait, hold up. Did I just…_

"Ever heard of vegetables?" the other boy asked, interrupting the anxious train of thought in Noct's head before it could build momentum.

Noct shrugged. "Cooking takes too much time."

"Cooking saves _money_."

"But not _time_," Noct pointed out just as quickly as his new roommate had answered.

The boy, appeased, closed the fridge door and offered a hand as he introduced himself. "Cloud."

"Noctis, but you can call me Noct" Noct said, completing the handshake. For a second he wondered if he was shaking a girl's hand. The other boy's skin was soft enough to belong to a female's.

_Maybe he's metro._

"You're the other scholarship student right?"

Noct nodded.

"Advice?"

"Basically just what the conditions of the contract state: if you don't want to get terminated, stay on top of your grades and stay away from doing activities that'll compromise the University's reputation."

"Looks like I only have to worry about the first part then," Cloud mused.

"_Yeah_…" Noct replied hesitantly. Maybe agreeing to Prompto's idea wasn't such a good idea after all.

Things were quiet between them until Cloud broke the silence, having come to a decision.

"Hey do you wanna grab a bite to eat? It's my shout and you can tell me more about uni."

"Sorry dude, I've got a job interview tonight."

"Lucky," Cloud sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I tried searching online but I couldn't find any places with vacancies. Even the little jobs like cleaning and dog-walking were all snapped up. Guess all the other students are looking for jobs during the break, huh?"

"Yeah," Noct replied. He could sympathise with Cloud's plight, having gone through the exact same thing until Prompto dived in for the rescue. On the other hand, he could understand why such a job had so many openings.

_No one in their right mind would do it. _

"So, where's this place that you're gonna be interviewed at?"

Noct swallowed. "Uh…"

* * *

_This city's amazing, _Cloud thought as he walked through the streets, snacking on an ice-cream and casually sidestepping passers-by in a hurry as if Chaos himself were on their heels. His gaze for the most part was fixated on the bright lights and large LCD screens on the sides of buildings, advertising an array of products he was vaguely familiar with endorsed by other similarly familiar celebrities.

_Does this city ever sleep, _Cloud wondered. _Too early to tell, _he thought after a pause. He reflected on his roommate now.

_Noctis, was it?_ _Strange name_. _Wonder if I'll bump into him…_

Noctis hadn't really told him where his job interview was going to be held, simply muttering something incomprehensible before he bolted out the door.

_I'm not gonna steal your job from you jeez, _Cloud thought.

Up ahead the pedestrian crossing lights turned green and Cloud shrugged to himself and continued walking.

_Best way to get acquainted with a new city is to get lost in it. _

Spotting an interesting little music store, he had almost reached it when the doors of the place before it swung open violently, and a young man around Cloud's age possibly possessing all the rage and supernatural strength in the world, shoved him roughly out of the way as he made his way outside. The ice-cream in his hand now airborne, Cloud stumbled backward a few steps before landing on his bottom. After a few seconds, the ice-cream followed suit, landing on his shirt and creating a large cookies'n'cream stain there. He took no notice, too wrapped up in the commotion taking place. The man was arguing with another fellow who had followed him outside.

"I've had it with those women! I quit, etrodamn it! "

_Women? _

Cloud glanced at the electric-blue neon sign hanging above. _Cocoon Gentlemen's Society. _

Below the sign was a smaller one, in bright red neon.

"_Chivalry did not die with the medieval knights. Step inside and be treated like the queen you deserve to be. Today's theme: Camelot"_

_Wait a minute… _Cloud thought, now taking in the state of the attire of the two young men in front of him. The angry one was dressed in a tunic and pants, obviously belonging to that time period, but there had been unnatural tears here and there in some places leading Cloud to suspect they had not been a part of the costume's original design. He looked nothing short of ridiculous. The second man was no better, dressed in the outfit of a medieval squire and had a wooden bucket filled to the brim with water hanging under his arm.

_What kind of debauchery...?_

"I told you this job required a little patience Snow," the squire was heard saying soothingly, trying to calm him down.

"Yeah but you didn't tell me they'd try to _molest_ me" the other man yelled. "_Look_ at me Prompto – they practically ripped the clothes right off my back!"

"Can you blame them?" the squire chuckled.

Cloud couldn't help but agree with the squire. Observing the one called Snow, the former had a point. Snow clearly needed to be introduced to a mirror. He was all brawn, not lanky in the slightest, and if one were to look closely through the rips in the material of his outfit, they would not find an ounce of fat. Nothing but pure muscle; a female's kryptonite.

"Well you and your chicks can dig _this,_" Snow said, giving the squire the finger and storming off.

"But-"

"I don't care how great the money is. I'm _done _Prompto. I lost my girlfriend's trust and my _girlfriend_ because of this place. I'm outta here."

Cloud watched him disappear down the street and shook his head as he began extracting the sticky remnants of his ice-cream cone from his shirt.

_And it was my favourite shirt too. _

"Hey, you need a hand?" the squire said, hurrying over and helping him up, the water in the bucket sloshing back and forth.

"Thanks," Cloud said, tossing the cone into a nearby bin.

The squire scratched behind his neck sheepishly. "Sorry about Snow. Some of our customers were a little _too_ happy today."

"I gathered," Cloud said, inclining his head to the sign.

"I know what you're thinking, but we're not _those_ kinds of hosts."

"Whatever."

"Hmm…" the squire said, squinting closely at Cloud, and studying him.

"What?"

"You're new, right?"

Cloud groaned. "_That_ obvious?"

"You know," the squire mused "we do have an opening and the pay's good-what do you say?"

"Why are you asking me that?"

"We've never had a bishonen before."

Cloud did not know what to make of that comment. Or how to reply to it.

"I'll pass" he answered finally. "But it's not just because of the job details. The truth is, I actually can't be seen working here-no offense," he added quickly upon seeing the frown on the other guy's face.

"Why?"

"I'm here on scholarship. I'll get terminated if I do anything that threatens the reputation of the University."

"Damn."

Cloud shrugged. "Thanks anyway, but I gotta head home now. It was nice meeting you err…"

"Prompto. And you are?"

"Cloud."

A smile. "Nice meeting you Cloud."

"Later," Cloud said, waving good-bye and turning to walk down the street. He had only taken a few short steps when he heard the door of the establishment swing open again.

"Yo Prompto, you're needed inside. We got a bit of a wardrobe malfunction with the new guy you brought in. The boss wants you to help Noctis out with his costume."

Cloud stopped in his tracks.

_Noctis. _

Wasn't that the name of the other scholarship student?

If so, what the hell was he doing in a place like this?

He glanced over his shoulder just in time to see Prompto hurrying back inside.

"Damn it Noct," he heard the blonde grumble under his breath.

Cloud's eyes narrowed.

* * *

Inside the dressing room Noct swore as he struggled with the helmet. One of the metal clasps for attaching the helmet to the suit of armour he was currently wearing had suddenly caught to the chain mail under shirt on the inside. How it happened, Noct had no idea, but one moment he could move the helmet on and off as much as he pleased, and the next he couldn't. He was stuck.

"What the hell, Noct?" Prompto said, dropping the bucket of water on the ground and moving to assist him.

"It's _stuck_," Noct growled, still trying to wrench it off. "Help me out of it before I suffocate."

"Damn," Prompto laughed, trying to tug the helmet off. "It's on there pretty good."

Noct glared at him through the tiny gap in the visor. "Thank you for sounding so broken up about this."

"I'm sorry Noct, but this kind of thing almost never happens."

"I feel so much better."

"Okay hold still. On the count of three, ready? One-"

"Ow!"

"Sorry."

"What happened to _three_ you bastard?" Noct snapped.

"I thought you understood the code."

"Count to three _properly_ this time," Noct hissed.

"Alright, alright. Ready? One, two, _three!_"

"Ow!" Noct winced from inside. "It's not budging. I think it's even more stuck than before."

"Need a hand?" a voice said coolly at the door.

Noct froze. That person's voice sounded strangely familiar. _It can't be. _He tried to squint through the tiny gap in the visor, but the person's face remained obscure to him.

"Oh hey," Prompto said, relieved. "Thought you left."

"Let's see," the new person said. Noct felt nimble fingers lightly beginning to examine the clasps. "Looks like it's stuck pretty good."

"Yeah," Noct grumbled moodily from the inside.

"You guys got a set of pliers?"

"Pliers?" Prompto repeated dumbly.

"Well _yeah_. The metal's just twisted out of place from being attached and detached over and over again. We just need to twist it the right way again. You guys were making it worse with the pulling you were doing just now."

_Oh…_Noct thought, feeling stupid. He heard a rummaging on the dressing table as Prompto searched for the item needed to free him.

"Will this do?"

"Tweezers? I _guess_," the newcomer said. Noct heard the clasps creak and whine noisily as they worked for a few moments before it was quiet. "That should do it. Try lifting it off now," they instructed.

Noct did so, and to his delight, the helmet came off without any further resistence. The delight turned to horror, however when he saw the face of his saviour shaking his head, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"C-Cloud…" Noct stammered.

"I take it your 'interview' was a success?" Cloud asked. He sounded disappointed- not a good sign.

"I can explain," Noct said.

"I'd rather you didn't," Cloud said, making his way to the door.

"No wait!" Noct said. Surprising himself, and Cloud, he managed to tackle the other boy to the floor, struggling to restrain him.

"Get off me you dick!" Cloud hissed.

"I'm sorry I can't let you leave," Noct said. "I need you to listen to my side of the story."

"I don't want to hear it," Cloud said, continuing to struggle.

"Please, just hear me out. This place actually isn't what it looks like."

"I wasn't going to _say_ anything, but now that you've pissed me off you can forget it. I'm reporting your ass. Kiss your scholarship good-"

"Everybody calm down!" Prompto yelled, and the next thing Noct knew, Prompto had dumped the entire bucket of water on them both.

"Prompto!" Noct and Cloud growled in unison.

"Sorry, wasn't thinking!"

* * *

After finally freeing himself of the dreaded suit of armour, Noct headed back for the dressing room upon realizing he had forgotten the spare towel Prompto had given him. It had taken a while to get Cloud to calm down, but eventually the blonde had listened to his story, though he remained unconvinced with Noct's reasons for working at such a place. The conversation played over in his head repeatedly without pause.

"_You're putting your reputation at risk. What the hell were you thinking, working in a place like this?" Cloud demanded. _

"_Please," Noct implored of him "just don't tell Rosch."_

_Cloud shook his head in defiance. "I won't get involved Noct," he said. "If he asks me I have no choice but to tell him-I'm obligated to. If I don't and he does find out I'll get terminated too. I need this scholarship."_

"_I _completely_ understand that, but is there _any_ way you could possibly maybe forget all this?" Noct asked half-heartedly. _

"_I'm sorry Noct."_

_No I'm sorry, _Noct thought, shoulders slumping with defeat_. Sorry I'm an idiot for listening to Prompto in the first place._

Pushing the dressing room door open, his jaw became slack as his eyes fell upon the sight of a half-naked young woman in nothing but her lingerie with her back to him, drying her hair.

_Who the hell is…_

His eyes fell upon the blonde spiky haired wig, and the clothes in a crumpled heap atop of the dresser.

It only took him a second to do the math.

The girl, finally seeing him in the reflection of the mirror gave a shriek and quickly wrapped the towel around herself.

"How the hell did you get in _here_? The door was locked!" she yelled hotly, her cheeks reddening with embarrassment.

"What the hell is _this_?" Noct yelled back, pointing at her, his eyes wild with accusation. He was not going to allow her to change the subject. "You're an imposter!"

"I can explain," the girl said, avoiding his gaze.

"Where's the real Cloud?" Noct demanded.

Prompto appeared behind Noct chuckling. "What's all the commotion? Cid wants to know who's screaming like a g-_gaahhh_…."

Prompto's face turned as white as a ghost as he too came to the same silent realization Noct did, though he managed to voice what Noct was still trying to wrap his head around.

"C-Cloud…you're a g-girl?" Prompto stuttered.

The girl recovered to give them a steely gaze. "My name_,_ is Lightning."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**-In which a deal is struck and unwilling alliances forged-**

* * *

**This chapter is dedicated to my friend Thomas, who like every other male in the world has trouble understanding women. **

* * *

_As a scholarship student it is my duty to report if my fellow scholarship students undertaking the same study programme as I are involved in any activity (illegal or otherwise) that could compromise theirs and the university's reputation. I understand as per conditions of this contract that it is for their own safety that I am reporting this activity. I also understand that by not reporting a fellow student I am willingly contributing to their continued involvement in this activity and as such I will inherently obey and accept the same grounds for termination as them._

~extract of Cocoon University scholarship, terms and conditions

* * *

_Thank goodness the door's locked. _

Light took a deep breath, ignoring the fact that the two testosterone-fueled men were trying not to make it obvious that they were ogling her. The blush on Noctis' face as he cleared his throat and tried not to look in her general direction was endearingly cute though. _He's still innocent, _she realized with an internal laugh. _Someone like him doesn't belong to a place like this. _

_As for Prompto…_

The lack of blush on the squire's face spoke leagues. Obviously not new to the sight of a woman in her underclothes, he looked about ready to pounce on her.

_You just try, _Light thought, tensing and gripping her towel even tighter.

"Can I at least get dressed first?" she asked.

"No." both men answered in unison.

_Perverts, _Light thought. "My name is Lightning," she grumbled, "and Cloud's my _twin_. He recently got involved in a motorcycle accident and is in the hospital recovering. I'm here to fill in for him until he gets better-end of story."

Prompto scratched his head. "Why would you wanna take his place?"

"Because my brother deserves it. This scholarship was his dream."

"I still don't get it."

Light didn't care. "You don't have to. All that I ask is that you please keep quiet about this until he returns. You won't ever hear from me again."

Prompto looked horrified. "Never again?" he gasped. "But you're…"

"But what?" Light glared.

"But you're-you're _beautiful_" Prompto exclaimed, swooping over and kissing her hand gently. "_Surely_ a fair maiden like yourself can be convinced to stick around," he winked up at her. Light, despite flushing furiously at his words suspected he used that smile quite often, judging by the confidence in his eyes. She pulled her hand away immediately.

"Nice try" she scoffed. "And for the record Prompto, if you _ever_ touch me without my permission like that again, it will be the _last_ time your hand will be connected to your wrist," she growled.

"Fierce," Prompto muttered humbly as he scurried away to give her space. "I meant it as a compliment, but clearly I have vexed you milady. I apologize," he said, bowing low.

Light scowled. "Can you speak more normally? My IQ's dropping by the second," she snapped.

"Sorry," Prompto smiled, scratching behind his neck sheepishly. "When I'm in costume and there's a female in the proximity…it's what I do best."

"Uh-_huh_."

"I have a question for you," a quiet, hesitant voice spoke up.

Light and Prompto turned in surprise. Noting Prompto's expression, it seemed he too had forgotten about the other human standing there.

"It _talks_," Light muttered under her breath. "What is it?" she asked.

"Your brother's also an honours student," he said. "So…what makes you think you'll be able to manage if you're simply taking his place? Rosch is strict when it comes to monitoring grades."

_He's concerned? _Light found herself smiling.

"I used to be an honours student," she told him.

"Until?" he prompted.

"Well, until I graduated, of course," Light smirked, enjoying the drastic change from pleasantly curious to blatant disbelief in Noctis' eyes.

A short moment of silence was observed so that the two young men could take it in.

"W-what? H-_How?_" Prompto stuttered.

"What do you mean _how_?" Light said, quite offended at his remark.

Prompto looked ready to shake her. "Already graduated and with _honours_-you'd have to have had no _life_-"

"Of course I didn't," Light said airily. "I needed to study."

Noctis caught Prompto as he staggered backward into him, their faces mirror images of each other.

"A beautiful woman like her…" Prompto lamented to Noctis "never to have experienced the rush of young love. Noct have you ever heard of something so-so…"

"Do you know how embarrassing you are right now?" Noctis hissed, shoving him off in annoyance.

Light bristled. "Excuse _me, _for having priorities," she said.

Prompto just about had a stroke at her comment. His voice was barely audible now, reeling as if he were in a never-ending nightmare. "P-_priorities_?" he repeated numbly to himself. "She said it wasn't a priority Noct!"

"Stop acting like an _idiot_," Noctis growled, slapping the squire lightly on the cheek. No effect. He stepped away as the blonde sagged into a semi-catatonic state on the floor, rocking back and forth with his knees hugged to his chest.

"Oh _great_," she heard Noctis say. Judging by his tone, it was apparently normal of the blonde to be in such a state. She let go of her initial instinct to call for medical help.

"All my life women were such helpless maidens, waiting for their hero, their prince charming, their Romeo…" Prompto was heard saying. "But Lightning she's-"

"Romeo died in that story, just so you know," Light pointed out spitefully.

Her comment drove the blonde to cover his ears. "Nooo! She's lying, she's lying…" she heard him say, over and over again.

_Drama queen, _the young woman thought. Tired from standing too long she sat on the dressing table and crossed one leg over another, letting out an exasperated exhale. "Look, I've already told you why I'm here: my brother needs this. When it all blows over I'll be on my merry way and you idiots can just forget this ever happened, alright?"

"Why would you go to such extreme lengths for your brother?" Noctis asked, his voice timid as if wary he would offend her. She noticed his eyes begin to flicker downward as her legs began to prove distracting for him.

"Eyes up here playboy," she growled.

Immediately the dark-haired young man's eyes glued to the floor, for fear that she might castrate him. "Sorry," she heard him mumble.

"Yeah well you should be," she snapped.

_Stupid men and their hormones. _

"You still didn't answer my question," he said, still looking at the floor.

"My family doesn't come from money," Light said, her tone coming out a little more emotional than she had intended. "And the scholarship's contract has a time limit. If Cloud were somehow unable to use it…they'd pass it on to the next person down-simple as that. And you don't know how hard he's worked for this, all the people he's had to beat to get this far."

"But what about Rosch?" he asked gently, somehow seeing the bigger picture now and understanding.

Light wanted to laugh. "What about him? He fell for it, just like you guys."

"I'm not so sure that he did. Nothing ever gets past him-he's ex-PSICOM."

"Hmph." Light crossed her arms. "At any rate, my brother should recover by the time the break ends."

"And if he doesn't?"

_Thanks for the support Mr. Pessimist. _"Then he doesn't," Light replied simply. "Now that you know who I am, can I _please_ get dressed?"

"Of course not!" Prompto said, miraculously making a sudden recovery and jumping up beside Noctis. "Your clothes are wet-you'll catch cold."

"It's better than standing around naked in front of you two pervs," Light retorted, shooting a glare at Noctis whose eyes had started to wander again.

"Sorry," he mumbled, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"What's _with_ you?" Light snapped. "Expecting some sort of strip show?"

"Quit picking on him," Prompto intervened, for the first time actually sounding defensive. "He's not good with this sort of thing."

Light frowned at him. "What sort of thing?"

"Talking to girls, being around girls, interacting with females" Prompto shrugged.

Light could not decide which of the two young men was the bigger idiot.

"Are you _serious_?" she said, more to Noctis.

Noctis ignored her, but she could see his cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

_Oh my Etro_. She tried not to laugh. "Is _that _why you're working here?" she asked. She finally understood. She knew she shouldn't laugh, but the revelation was just too hilarious _not _to laugh at. When she had initially met the raven-haired boy he seemed, cool; calm, collected-she had actually assumed he'd be more like Prompto's type.

_But I thought-guess looks can be deceiving. _

Her hand flew to her face, trying to force away the urge. _Fight it Light, fight it-oh gods…_

It suddenly became too much to take. She doubled over laughing, trying and failing miserably to stop.

"Hey, hey," Prompto admonished, wagging a finger in her face "no judgement."

"I'm sorry," Light said earnestly in between laughs "but it's just-haha- too ridiculous-hahaha-to _comprehend_. _No one_ should have-haha-_no one _should have trouble speaking to the opposite sex-it just isn't _natural_. Oh gods I can't believe…" she continued to laugh, and doing so continued to add fuel to Prompto's ire.

"Well it's natural for him,"Prompto replied, actually glaring at her this time.

_Scary, _Light thought with a mild shudder. The look he was giving her was 'just' enough to help silence her laughter by a small amount.

"Can we _please_ not talk about me like I'm not here," Noctis muttered, his face redder than any tomato she had ever seen. "Okay you've had your fun Lightning, ha-_ha_ I'm glad you're so amused," he said sarcastically.

Light took a deep breath and calmed herself, though a smile still tugged at her lips. "Well why wouldn't I be amused? Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"That's what _I _told him," Prompto grinned, shoving Noctis playfully.

Noctis just stopped short of looking like a lost puppy. "Told me what?"

Light jumped off the dresser and moved to stand directly in front of him while Prompto left Noctis' side to stand next to her. Noctis stiffened as she reached and pinched his cheek.

"Told you that you're attractive, dumb-ass," Light laughed. _Too cute. _Cobalt eyes glanced up at her unsurely for a brief moment before hardening again. "Where does all this insecurity come from?" she wondered aloud.

"Shut up," Noctis said, hitting her hand away.

For the first time Light was amazed. "_Wow_," she said, studying Noctis, as if her eyes had finally opened to the world and she was seeing color for the first time. It felt as if she were discovering a whole new species of man.

"Wow what?" Noctis snapped.

"Nothing just…" she shook her head at him slowly "_wow…_Amazing, you're like a unicorn."

Seeing the scowl darken on Noctis' face she realized how embarrassing that sounded and stifled a laugh.

"I'm sorry-I didn't mean for it to come out that way-what I meant was-"

"Just, stop talking, alright?" Noctis snapped.

"Whatever," she said.

"And _that _is why he's here," Prompto said proudly, as if showing her an item on display at a museum.

Light turned to Prompto with a scowl. "So that what? You can turn him into your little douche-bag minion? He's better than that."

She saw Noctis' shoulders lift at that comment, but he said nothing.

"Douche-bag?" Prompto yelled in outrage, but she ignored him, her attention focused on Noctis.

"Listen to me Noct: If you're hoping to find confidence I guarantee you will not find it here in this shady place. If you get caught by Rosch-"

"What about you?" Noctis said, frowning slightly at her.

"That's _beside_ the point. What if-"

"I've already signed the contract," Noctis said. "Until uni starts up again, this is where I have to be during the break."

Light glared. It was completely unacceptable. "You're putting your scholarship at risk-"

"I need the money," Noctis retorted, glaring back. "And _you're_ one to talk, putting your _brother_ at risk."

Instead of being angry Light smiled, satisfied that the latter actually had a backbone.

"You guys are _both _at risk," Prompto said, suddenly all business like as he moved to a rack where clothes were hanging and picked out a few items before tossing them at Light. "Put that on. I'll have your clothes cleaned and ready for you in the meantime."

"How am _I_ at risk?" Light snapped, catching the clothes while simultaneously trying not to move too suddenly to cause her towel to come undone. "And what the _hell _is this?" she said, staring at the ridiculous low-cut peasant dress in her hands.

The blonde looked a little too happy as he explained it to her. "You're going to play a maid," he said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Noctis coughed uncomfortably.

"Fuck _that_." Light threw the dress at Noctis' head.

"Hey-!" he protested.

Like a fly on the wall he was soundly ignored. "I have compromised my identity enough today," Light said adamantly. "I am _not_ wearing that. I don't want people to remember or recognize me."

"_Fine_," Prompto smirked. "_Be_ naked for the rest of the evening-I'm definitely not complaining. And you'd be interested to know that all the workers here are males who actually visit the dressing room every once in a while to change. Imagine the _frenzy_ you'd drive them into with your endless legs and curved-"

"Utter one more word," Light warned, feeling her cheeks beginning to warm again. "And I'm so gonna-"

"_Just_ saying," Prompto said.

Light glowered until she spotted a costume that didn't look 'too bad': a royal blue tunic with attached sleeves and gauntlets with a fur trimmed cape fastened by a medallion draping over its hangar. "Pass me those," she pointed. "And the leggings and boots too."

Prompto plucked the costume from the rack. "King Arthur?" he said dubiously. "Nice taste, but wouldn't you prefer something more…something that shows your figure nicely?"

At 'figure' Noctis laughed quietly.

"That's exactly the point-_ass_," Light said, glaring Noctis into silence.

"I didn't _say _anything," Noctis frowned.

Light knew it was wrong to get so angry at him at such a trivial thing, but the fact that she had been standing in a towel being ogled, and having her identity compromised had made her snap. "It's called _body-language_ you _incapable_, _socially inept_-"

Her rant was interrupted as Prompto tossed the king Arthur costume her way, albeit grudgingly.

"No need to take it out on Noct, jeez."

Light pointed to the door, not intent on apologizing. "_Out_. I have to get dressed."

Prompto blinked. "But you'll need help with the-"

"_Out."_

* * *

Not having any further requests for the evening Prompto watched the two new recruits work: Noctis as Lancelot in his dashing suit of armour pouring tea for the women at his table and Lightning in her King Arthur get-up being served_ by _the women at her table. He watched Lightning with a raised eyebrow as the women 'got into character' and clucked and hassled over how many sugars King Arthur wanted, and whether 'he' wanted 'cream in his tea'; cream and tea being an obvious double-entendre. Lightning's answer was professional and courteous, using perfect grammar and smiling slightly like a king usually did; which should have created pouts on the women's faces but actually succeeded in making the women compete even more ardently for her attention. Their efforts continuously proved in vain however as time and time again Arthur treated them all like equals, remaining steadfastly benevolent. Prompto found it quite ironic that the table they were using just so happened to be a round one. Everything fit perfectly.

_She's a natural, _Prompto thought, smiling, before looking over to Noctis' table. It appeared Lightning had caught his attention too as the squire noticed a furrowed look of concentration on the knight's face, possibly taking mental notes of everything Lightning did that made the women swoon over her. Prompto would have looked away had he not managed to catch a glimpse of something else-admiration, per chance? He smiled, remembering how hard it was for Noctis to take his eyes off her-not that he could blame him-Lightning was quite beautiful-beautiful enough to rival Stella even. Additionally, the fact that Noctis' first impression of her was half-naked and in a towel, would definitely be hard for any male in Noctis' position to forget. And where Stella was gentle and caring and direct in a _polite_ manner, Lightning preferred to skip the niceties and cut straight to the chase. She was direct alright; a direct kick to the groin for all men's self-esteem and confidence.

_No wonder Noct's confused, _Prompto chuckled quietly. _He doesn't know which sort of woman he should be attracted to: a gentle and caring one like Stella, or a wild and volatile one like Lightning. _Understandable, given Noctis had never met a girl with a personality quite so cold like Lightning's. Perhaps his inexperienced friend was finally experiencing what came natural to all males: the thrill of the hunt. Nothing was more arousing than the thought of victory and finally laying claim to the frustratingly elusive female species.

_Aww Noct's so cute, _Prompto thought, smirking to himself. _Team Stella or Team Lightning?_

_Well personally, I'd opt for _both_, but I'm not sure how that'd work out…_

Maybe Lightning was just what the doctor ordered: _she _was a woman; and what better teacher could Noctis ask for? A blunt person like her would be able to tell it straight to Noctis' face what he was doing wrong, something Prompto sometimes found difficult to say to his friend.

_Yes, _he decided. _It's a good idea. What better teacher about women than a woman herself? _

He glanced back at Lightning just in time to see her eyelid twitch in annoyance as a particularly bold customer tried to paw at her thigh. Catching the woman's hand before it could proceed further upward, Lightning fixed the woman with a stern glare and told her politely to cease her actions at once. One would think that the guilty woman would be indignant; it was quite the opposite actually. The guilty woman seemed to admire the King even more, as did the rest of the women at the table.

"He's soo tense, and strong" he heard that woman gush. Prompto sighed. Lightning was too good at this.

_But how do I get her to help Noct out? Obviously she's not interested in him, so the best choice is Stella. It's good to start Noctis off slowly, with someone less likely to stomp all over him and crush his self-esteem into the ground beyond repair. _

"Unfair advantage don't you think," a voice muttered, interrupting Prompto's thoughts.

Prompto turned to the glasses-wearing court-jester who was busy behind the computer screen behind the counter Prompto had been leaning on. The son of an oil tycoon, this man was Ignis: the boss' right hand man who handled the CGS's finances, administration and other things that made the CGS run smoothly. Like the other staff of the CGS Ignis was also studying at Cocoon. And like Noctis and Lightning, he was also a fellow honours student.

_I'm surrounded by nerds. _"Unfair?" Prompto feigned ignorance.

"She's a _woman_."

"How'd you figure _that _out?"

"Don't play dumb. We heard the scream from the dressing room hours earlier."

"We? Who's we?"

Ignis appeared uninterested as he carried on inputting more data into the computer. "Me and the boss of course."

At his words Prompto's eyes immediately flickered to the handsome jet-black haired young man dressed as a Duke in the corner of the room, sitting with his arms around the shoulders of two women who clung desperately to him. Noticing Prompto's stare the Duke gave a sly wink and casually indicated over to King Arthur before smiling.

_He's always one step ahead. _

Ignis' voice was almost lost to Prompto right then. "Cid says you couldn't have found a better replacement for Snow," he said. "You get to choose next week's theme if you can get 'Cloud' to stay."

"That's _impossible_," Prompto laughed. "Lightning'd never -"

"Was I talking about Lightning?" Ignis asked.

Prompto immediately understood, a devious grin spreading across his face as it dawned on him.

"Hop to it," Ignis said, turning back to the monitor once more.

* * *

_10 pm. _

_Finally. _

Light uttered a silent prayer of thanks to Etro as she surveyed the now empty café with its chairs atop of the tables to make way for the steam cleaner that Noctis was currently pushing around, leaving the areas it passed over spotless and good as new. It was just them left in the café, being assigned the task of cleaning and locking up. Her thoughts backtracked to the King Arthur costume and she shuddered.

_Never again. _

She never knew how exhausting women were, and she happened to _be_ one. Was _this_ how married men felt? She smiled at the revelation and relief that she was finally back into her own clothes and wig. Suffice to say, she had experienced being literally and figuratively naked without them.

"Thanks for helping out tonight," Prompto told Light over the loud hum of the cleaning machine as Noctis zoomed all over the café, bored.

Lightning's smile disappeared. She had been groped too many times to count, and suffered too many 'close-calls' as women tried to get their hands on her non-existent manhood. "Don't mention it," she muttered darkly.

"No really, I appreci-"

"_E_-_ver_."

Prompto smiled. "Actually, I have to mention it."

Light was immediately wary. "Why?"

"Well, _because_," Prompto said, indicating to Noctis who was oblivious to their whole conversation "I believe someone like you can help Noctis build his confidence with women. You're a woman, and your performance was amazing tonight. You can give him some pointers."

"I'm not helping him to become an incurable womanizer like you are."

"I'm not asking you to. I was just asking if you could offer him a gentle nudge in the right direction."

"I thought the bright green EXIT sign was glaringly obvious and sufficient enough."

Prompto was whining now. "_Please,_ Lightning?" a pause "Light? Can I call you Light?"

"_No_-to both."

"I'm calling you Light," Prompto decided. "Much more feminine."

"I-don't-care," Light said, wishing the floor could dry faster so she could go home. She just wanted to curl up in bed and forget ever being seen practically naked by two strangers-one of which was her roommate, getting drenched in water, risking her brother's scholarship and getting molested by hormonal young women. Was it too much to ask?

"Fine," a dramatic sigh from Prompto as he shrugged nonchalantly, "I tried asking nicely, but you leave me no choice."

Light's fingers instinctively curled into a ready fist, her knuckles making a very audible and threatening crackle. She didn't like that tone of voice. "What do you mean 'no choice'?"

"You're working here, starting tomorrow," he stated as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Piss off. I'm not."

"Yes, you _are-if_ you don't want me to report you to Rosch," Prompto replied slyly.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "You wouldn't _dare_," she hissed.

"I so, _would_," Prompto smirked. "And then you and Noctis would _both _lose your scholarships."

She tried a different tactic, seeing that he wasn't intimidated in the least. "You'd rat out your friend?"

"Actually," Prompto said, "it'd just be _you_ who loses. You see, unlike you, _I, _happen to come from money and thus I have a certain degree of influence. Noctis' sponsor would simply change. So if he _did _get terminated, I've got his back and I'd sponsor him. You're the only one who stands to lose everything."

"_Bastard!"_ she tried to launch a fist at his face, but he darted out of the way swiftly.

"Now now," Prompto chuckled. "That isn't very becoming of a lady."

"What's with you two?" Noctis asked, finally switching off the steam cleaner and wheeling it out back into the closet to store it.

"Nothing, I've just succeeded in making Light stick around," Prompto told him, before turning to whisper to Light while Noctis disappeared into the tiny closet. "If you really do need money-this job pays well. And I understand you're cynical of this place but at least have a heart to empathize with Noctis-he doesn't have many friends. It's not because he's shy: he just doesn't know how to talk to them and usually he ends up insulting them."

Light sighed, feeling her resolve start to sway. Noctis' social skills really were quite pitiful, reminding her of a dying dog that needed to be put down to end its suffering. "Just…tell him to be himself-that's the best approach," she said hesitantly.

Prompto's eyes lit up. "Don't you see? That's _exactly_ why I need you: you're the perfect person to help him."

"You're blackmailing me you son-of-a-bitch."

He smiled sheepishly. "Ahh, about that-I was only kidding."

"No you weren't," Light growled, seeing right through him.

"Please?" Prompto said again, "I mean, what _else _are you going to do with your free time, study?" he laughed.

Light gave him a 'look'.

He stared. "_Seriously_?"

A loud crash in the storage closet interrupted them.

"I'm okay," Noctis was heard saying, before a loud clang "ow!"

_Etro he's hopeless. _Light groaned and massaged her temples. "Fine," she told Prompto. "I'll do it-but you keep your mouth shut, and your nose out of my business, got it?"

"Yes ma'am." Prompto saluted.

"Uh guys?" Noctis called. "A little help?"

* * *

_A/N (set to expire when I update again):_

_Yep, so we've got a pre-womaniser Noctis on our hands, a Tamaki Prompto and Lightning in raging bitch mode. The perfect mix for a crack fic like this one hehe. It's fun cutting loose from writing 'serious' stuff all the time. Which brings me to our next agenda:_

_Currently, this story could either go PromptoxLightning or NoctisxLightning. Your feedback would be a contributing factor (but I'd still have the final say muahahaha give me REASONS)_

_Kiss kiss fall in love :P_


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